Vincent Kartheiser, another smug, bragging, Minnesotan

More bragging, Minnesota-style.  This time, it's one of the few people to leave the state, that smug little twirp Vinnie Kartheiser of Mad Men fame. *Note:  he's also a smug little twirp on the show.   (These are some snippets from some interview he gave here locally on TV in March).

“Because if you’re from Minnesota, you get used to running into people from Minnesota — at least in our industry, you do. All of my friends out here, except a few, are from Minnesota.

There it is.  Even when you Minnesotans leave home, all you do is flock to one another.

"You know, in the music industry, there’s a lot of Minnesotans,” he said.

More bragging.  Why not just say "you know, in Minnesota, existence came to exist.  Along with Music.  And space travel."

“You asked me why I love Minnesota and I think we just create doers."

Like the Twins?  Sorry, I couldn't resist.  But seriously, you think I make this shit up?  Well, here it is, in print.  "Minnesotans are a doing bunch."

"We kind of have a community of people who like to get off their asses and go do stuff. I don’t know if that’s only because there’s, like, three months of the year that you can get off your ass and actually do something? It’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, we can leave the house!’”

A little redundant, I know, but I wanted to include the "oh my gosh."  This is the Gopher Gold where stereotypes come from.  Yes, you, the "most-educated folk" in the nation are nothing more than a bunch of yokels.

“Many, many people I know from Minnesota have great careers out here and I’m constantly running into people from Minnesota. So, I wasn’t surprised and I’m never really surprised. I think it might also have something to do with the fact that we breed a lot and we tend to leave Minnesota, too,” he continued.

Wrong.  Some of you tend to leave Minnesota.  But very few of you do.  In fact, the statistics I've seen suggest that 93% of the people who live in Minnesota stay in Minnesota, so, you're not exactly exporting yourselves like toys from China.  It's also worth noting that for the most "educated state" in the union, your wages aren't competitive with other metropolitan areas.  And just because you have so many colleges doesn't mean that the schools are good, or even competitive outside of Minnesota.  Maybe you have too many colleges, thereby cheapening the value of the college degree? 

Food for thought...

Punch a Minnesotan Day

Transplanted to hell?  Tired of dealing with the boorish behaviors exhibited by Minnesotans? Well then, join me for PUNCH-A-MINNESOTAN DAY 2011. 

Now, of course I don't mean that we will literally punch a Minnesotan, that wouldn't be "nice."  (Unless, of course, they're asking for it.  But of course, that means, they would have to ask for it, which isn't something that Minnesotans know how to say without resorting to their passive-aggressive standbys of:  hanging up on you, giving you the silent treatment, talk to you while looking down...You get the drift.  I guess I'm digressing, I guess?)

So how does one punch a Minnesotan without resorting to violence?

Here are some suggestions:

-Tailgaiting them
-Saying you're welcome to a Target cashier before he/she even has the chance to not say "thank you" to you
-Bragging about your city
-Ask them about how they really feel about the Somalians and Hmongs here
-Tell them you can't believe they'll never leave here, even to go to the Wisconsin Dells

Again, these are just some suggestions - there are no hard and fast rules.  So join me this Wednesday, July 20, 2011 for Punch a Minnesotan Day!  You'll be glad you did!

Minnesota Drivers: shit, shitty, shittier, confrontational until you confront them

As anyone who has ever driven in a civilized city will tell you, Minnesota drivers suck.  I mean, it's not just me saying this.  I will agree with those that say their infrastructure does not serve them well, but what really doesn't is their ignorant, arrogant, me-first attitude that leads to the delusions of grandeur that they - the average Minnesotan - are more important than you.  (See:  Minnesota drivers, tailgating)

But what happens when they come running into your lane, nearly slamming into your car, and you give them a courteous honk?  They flip you off.  They continue on into your lane, but continue to flip you off.  So you go ahead and honk your horn again, to let them know that they are in the wrong, maybe cause an accident, maybe put you into the hospital.  So what you do is, you keep honking.  I know, "that's rude."  But they keep flipping you off.  And what happens but, you are next to them at a stoplight, and you are parallel with them and, you roll your window down and, suddenly, the alien-robot hick-yuck Minnesotan dude with the goatee (how 90s of you, Minnesotan, don't you know that Mustaches are back?) looks dead ahead, as you give him a yell, ask him what the problem is, that he might have killed you, but...He.  Looks.  Dead.  Ahead.

And so the passive-aggressive pussy continues staring dead ahead, and the light turns green and you go.  He goes.  I go.  He gets behind me to go.  But he then picks up his cellphone and immediately know that he is calling the police on you for the rude behavior you've exhibited in actually calling him out for being such a horrendous driver.

In Chicago, kids are killed by bullets in gang-ridden neighborhoods.  In Minnesota, children are murdered by passive-aggressive yokels being aggressive only behind the wheel (until confronted), then do their best to whisper behind your back in the form of a call to the police.  Well, asshole, they never got me.  But I'm sure they have an APB out on all confrontational Illinoisans who call you out on your shitty driving.

Oh well, all is well in the world of Minnesota Nice, "doncha know?"